I didn't have a photo to go with this blog so I decided a nice picture of the SLC temple would be perfect. This is where I married my man, and we were sealed together for eternity. The temple symbolizes so many things for me personally one of which is that we can we will be reunited with our loved ones after this life. To learn more about the LDS church click here... or ask me :-)
On to the post...
Last night I couldn't sleep. This isn't unusual. I have anxiety... let's face it. The anxiety usually only shows up when it's time for me to sleep. Ok, maybe it's not anxiety... maybe it's fear. Yes, fear. No, it's not fear either. Alright it is an emotion that I can't describe. Mostly last night I was overwhelmed.
John has asked that I don't visit Gracie's blog as frequently. I have been reading and re reading her mom's words and last night was just TOO MUCH!! Not that John is insensitive, he just has a difficult time watching me cry so much, and when I read her blog I cry- without fail. I know my posts seem to be going from one extreme to the next, but in the end I want to document all of it... The cute things my kids do all the way to how my heart is aching for a friend who just posted about her babies funeral.
This post is remembering how much my life has changed.
If I had read this post one year ago it would have been heartbreaking and I am sure I would have sobbed just the same. However, the level of awareness is magnified immensely and here is why:
I spent four months in an ICU desperate for someone to say "yes" and choose to donate life for our Mia. On Mia's good days the wait was pleasant. When she was crying, heaving, and struggling to breath through a tube.. it was a suffocating! Mia was after all our precious baby that we adored and wanted to to take home for keeps. On days that I lost hope and thought that no one was ever going to say yes, I knew that one day I would be looking back on this time. There would be an outcome and it could only last so long. Mia would either be given a angel heart or she wouldn't. In my heart I knew she would be given a second chance... and she did.
The night we got the call I held my sweet baby in my arms knowing the next time I held her she would have a new heart. At that time I also felt keenly aware of another mom's sorrow. I don't have any information about Mia's angel, but knowing that there was a mom potentially given a few hours to hold her little baby for the last time is just too much! It is truly an amazing gift. I am completely humbled being on the other end of what she (Michele) was going through. I am so grateful for parents like Gracie's who go through so much and then chose to donate. I am amazed by the fact that their minutes were numbered, and they were able to say goodbye when it was time. I am so grateful for parents like mine who prayed so fervently that my baby would just hold on. My mom often told me how much time my dad was spending on his knees- for me it brings new meaning to Malachi 4:6.
The pictures from Gracie's funeral paint a thousand words. Read the fourth paragraph of her post and you will understand why my life has changed. My sweet Mia was also headed to an OR to be prepped, but the Jet was headed in her direction.