Mar 28, 2010

Let the Countdown Begin

FIVE days to go.... FIVE!!

My feelings are a little bittersweet about this final stretch of pregnancy. My body is DONE- and I can't wait to get back to my normal energy/activity level. At the same time of feeling like this baby couldn't come sooner, I am saddened that these are my final days of being pregnant.... FOREVER.

It's interesting how when you're told that you shouldn't have any more kids, then you find out your pregnant, then...up until your final days of pregnancy everything has gone relatively fine-that I find myself questioning if there is a possibility that I will be pregnant again. If I wasn't told by multiple doctors that another pregnancy would be a really bad idea, I would probably be just fine with four children anyway. Is it the rebel in me that doesn't want to be told what to do? I have tried to consider myself the cardiac patient that I am during this pregnancy... i have tried to be obedient and not lift things, I have tried to take it easy...but I have rarely owned up to the severity of my CHD.

After having Mia, I would never have planned to be pregnant for quite some time... it was too scary... too much! I couldn't handle those agonizing months again, or any possibility that we could have a repeat. I would be content with my three kiddos, then maybe...perhaps... we would have another one.... maybe. There was another plan for our family. Luckily, I feel entirely different now. I can have healthy babies, I can carry them to term, and I can recover emotionally from such an ordeal as Mia.

My mom is probably reading this in a panic thinking that I am considering having another child. Don't worry mom... I know the risks... I am just having a moment of... is this really my last five days of child bearing?? Am I never going to see a knee or an elbow move across my tummy again? It is so fascinating! Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to have been able to have three soon be four adorable children. It just seems premature to be calling it a day with babies at age 28. In a few years when Ned isn't a baby I KNOW I will be baby hungry. John is in this same boat. He LOVES babies! When we met, he told me he wanted to have ten. Yes, I still married him ;-) Luckily, he knew what he signed up for when he married me, but I know how much he loves the babies, so I am a little sad for him too- that this is his last go, and he got cheated out of his last new born.

Things will be so different with this baby... I can't wait to meet him!! I was looking at baby pictures of my little baby Jense, and I can't wait to meet Ned. I am sure he will look just like him... Mia looks just like Ellie did.

So hopefully on Thursday there will be a baby announcement... and an announcement of Ned's name....hopefully!!


Holen Family said...

How exciting! I cannot wait to hear when little Ned gets here. You have such adorable babies!

Carrie Hellewell said...

Good luck!! Can't wait to see some pictures!

jayna said...

We knew Lila was our last, so truly we cherished every moment of her babyness! Good luck welcoming your new little son!

Sarah said...

Only 5 days?! That's so exciting!! I can't wait to see little Ned and hear what you end up naming him. I kind of like Ned though! :) Good luck with everything!!!

Briawna said...

While I haven't had near the experiences you've had with pregnancy, I can relate in a small way. I've still got a few weeks, according to my due date...which always seems off....but in some ways I love the excitement and anticipation of looking forward to these little ones. Once they're "outside" they just seem to grow so fast. People think I'm crazy for liking pregnancy. People think I'm crazy for wanting more than two kids, too! Oh well.

Analisa-creator of hairblingzcutethings said...

that is a hard thing to accept that this could be your last. I think it will be bittersweet for me as well when i am in that boat. just remember all the bad/hard things like peeing all the time, all the aches and pains, never being comfy or having clothes that fit and maybe you won't miss it...i better stop or I'll never want to have another one! :) can't wait to meet the lil' guy!

Christy Beal said...

I cant wait to see your new little baby!! Good luck with your very last delivery :) I hope he just falls out quickly and painlessly :) You deserve the best delivery ever for your finale!

The Hands said...

I'm so glad everything has worked out for you so far. Our third was a CHD baby. Having a healthy #4 was redeeming in a way and encouraging that there is hope. Thanks for expressing what a lot of us heart moms are thinking when it comes to having more children and getting over the trauma experienced with our CHD kid.


Liz said...

So excited for you this week! I hope everything goes well and you are able to meet your little boy soon!