Jul 8, 2012

4 years ago today....




Mia girl is FOUR years old today.  I can hardly contain my Joy! She is FOUR! HEALTHY! HAPPY! If someone could have handed me a polaroid of her face on this very day when she was born it would saved me from what feels like a lifetime of uncertainty.  That is not the way life works, but rewind to four years ago and I was a completely different person... mother... wife.  When the medical team whisked away her tiny little body after her delivery my world changed.  I didn't know what was going to happen beyond those doors, but I knew I loved her.  The first sign of hope given to me was when a sparkly eyed intern came back into the room and reported that she was crying, and had a big strong cry at that.  That meant she was breathing!  I sat in the labor and delivery room barely breathing.  What were they doing in the adjacent room?  I wanted to be there... I needed to meet her.  She had to know I was there and was going to love her.  For months I was a spectator of my little girly clinging to life. I was helpless, and wanted so badly to take her home.  There existed a yearning in my entire body that I can't explain.  I needed this little girl, and although my eyes closed I didn't sleep... not really.  There was no escape from wondering what was going to happen.  The following weeks I asked myself and the Lord the same questions over and over...would she make it?  Is today going to be the day?  Can I handle this?  Will my life ever resemble what it used to?  Day after day I tried to be her mom...she was right there... so close... so beautiful, and I couldn't have her.  I couldn't take her.  I was deceived day after day looking at a beautiful baby girl knowing that on the inside she could not sustain her little life.  Why did this happen to her? She is so perfect! Even if she makes it through this... what will life look like?  This was not the plan.  What did I do to warrant the agony of this?

After a four month hospital stay Mia was gifted the most beautiful gift.  When I heard the words, "We accepted a heart for Mia..." my life changed again.  We get to keep her?!?  Truly??  Did you say what I thought you said?  The following day when Mia received a precious heart from a sweet baby boy named Jacob we entered a new real of life.  This tiny heart meant so much... she could start to breath on her own, move her little body, smile, live.  It meant everything.  Most of my life I have felt pretty insignificant, but that day was the most monumental day.  Watching the Olympics while we waited and seeing the emotion from the athletes who train and train for one big event resembled how I felt.  When they win you can see the victory in their eyes.  My olympic moment was receiving the news that Mia gets to live... she gets to live!  Mia was saved, she will finally come home with me and I will finally get to be her mom, without alarms, without machines pumping into her body.  We were free.  From that moment on I felt like I did not need one more thing the rest of my life.  We got to go home together, and be a family.  An extremely grateful and happy family.

Mia has transformed us all in so many different ways.  I have had complete strangers tell me they can sense she is special... knowing nothing abou her past.  When she looks at you, with her angelic smile on her face it makes you feel like she knows something about mortality that you do not.  She is so happy despite everything she goes through.  She is our little angel and remarkably sweet for everything she has gone through.  Having her in our lives is a gift... a very precious gift.

Her birthday marks four years of smiles, tears... a lot of tears, prayers, astonishment, and gratitude.  She is such a bright little star in our lives and this family would be completely different without Mia.  I just can't believe she is four.  Birthday milestones force you to pause and look back at the past.  The past four years have changed us all.  We live differently. We are happy. We understand how precious life is. We got to keep her.  

We hope that Mia's life will inspire anyone who is on the fence about organ donation to have a desire to become an organ donor.  One person who passes away can save so many lives and now that we are in a good place with Mia we can't help but need to get those sweet little heart babies at the hospital waiting for a heart home with their families as well.  We love our donor family and know it is a very difficult road for them.  Mia loves Jacob and talks about him daily.  Someday Jessica, the mother of Jacob will get to meet Mia and she will for the first time hold the little girl she saved.

6 comments:

Brimaca said...

Wow! Beautiful post about such a difficult time. She is so amazing. I can't wait to see her. Only a couple more weeks and I will be in Heber!

Mimi said...

YAY Brit! Excited to see you!

jenn said...

Happy birthday mia! Your mom is amazing! Amazing moms get amazing little ones!

Danielle said...

I am not sure you have ever shared this experience with this much emotion and honesty before.

Happy birthday Mia.

Talia said...

I cannot believe our girls are 4! It has been four bumpy years, that while we may not have been in the same location the whole time, we have gone through the same things at the same times. Happy Birthday sweet Mia; here is to many, many more shared brithdays!

Shelley Eggett said...

Such a sweet post! I love her.