Oct 30, 2012

Give a hug to my girl

Today I learned that a classmate of mine passed away.  First of all I am not a fan of the term "passed away."  It is stupid.  Passed Away?  I don't like it.  The term "went to Heaven" seems much more fitting and inviting than "passed away."

Today I learned that a classmate of mine went to Heaven.  My heart immediately sank.  What the What?  Why?  I clicked on the website and there he was 4 obituaries above my Mia.  How could this be?  As I glanced at all the other obituaries they were all elderly people, not just getting started in life. I starred for probably five minutes...  Just my Mia and the obituary at the top of the page, a boy who I sat by in a few classes in high school.  They didn't belong there.   Everyone else was ... OLD.  Old people who should be gracing the website of a mortuary.  Not young people about to get married or precious little girls who brought so much light into this world.  The old people yes, they have lived their lives... why the young?  He was going to getting married!!  Seeing his face a few pictures above Mia's just fuels my hate fire for mortality.  Not Ok!

He was the nicest person. Truly. He has one of those sparkly eyed smiles, that made your heart flutter.  We were never that close, but I do have some memories of him from high school.  Such a great person! At our 10 year reunion I was standing with a group of girls, and after a small lull in the conversation someone chimed in with, "Woah, hello Preston!"  Then the flood gates opened with how good looking he was and why on earth he wasn't married.  I have always been annoyed by conversations about why people who are good looking aren't married.  There I was participating in that conversation and truly wondering why on earth he was not married.  He probably had girls lined up, because I know a few of us who were married were considering switching over to his line.  Not really, but he was just a really really good person and was very good looking.  We then grabbed one of our girl classmates who was single and told her that it was her destiny for her to marry him.  This was all in jest and obviously you can't force them to love each other but it seemed like a match made in heaven to us.  That was a few years ago, and I haven't seen him in person since... until a few month ago.  I was tempted a few times to contact him about taking out a few girls who I absolutely love.  I always backed out because another single friend informed me that a lot of people don't appreciate being set up.  Reading his obituary is torturous.  He finally found his love as was engaged to be married.  My heart is broken for his fiance.  Truly broken.  I don't even want to think about his mama.

I saw Preston a few months back.  I was with my family and he was with his.  He gave me a head nod and one of his sparkly eyed smiles and I just waved back at him like a little kid.  I wish now that I would have gone to talk to him.

We never know when someone is going to leave this earth.  I need to be better about reaching out and simply saying "hey, how are ya?" Not that It would have changed much in either of our lives, but I could have introduced him to Mia and told him it was good to see him.  Missed opportunities.

I am just sad.  Perpetually sad.  Thinking about Preston, for a minute I was able to put my own sadness on the back burner for a minute. It seems like I jut turned around and someone else I knew went to heaven.  Is death going to be everywhere now?  Now that Mia is gone?  Are my senses heightening?  It is difficult for me to say that I hope his family is feeling comforted and peaceful because those are things that are escaping me.  I do not feel peace... I feel robbed.  I wonder when the peace will come?  will it come?  I do actually hope they do. I don't want anyone else to feel the way I do... ever.


                         Please go give a big hug to my baby girl from her mama,
                         I miss her so much!