Oct 30, 2012

I wrap my fear around me

Darkness has a hunger that's insatiable 
and lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it...

These words from an indigo girl's song keep entering my mind. 
I do not feel safe here.
I am intensely afraid of living a lifetime without my daughter
The words of this song are perfect... I wrap my fear around me like a blanket.
It's exactly how I feel... engulfed in fear... secure in being afraid.

I am terrified of what is to come
My children living without their sister
My husband not snuggling his baby girl
My whole world turned upside down
A world, a life, that was so beautiful and happy-
yanked away

Is this what life has to offer?
It's not ok for the rest of my family to have to suffer.

Lightness has a call that's hard to hear...
I have not been listening for the light
I am too consumed with fear and sadness.