Oct 24, 2012

Teenager Brain

I don't want to offend the teenagers in my life with this post-
I love the teenagers in my life.
This is more a description of the way my brain worked... when I was a teenager

When I was a teenager I remember a handful of experiences that altered my way of thinking
I use the term "teenager brain" to describe the intense way of thinking that usually curbs during the college years. 

Something life shattering that happens to you at 16 would probably not even make a dent in your twenties. I could honestly say my most embarrassing story back then would be something I would now simply laugh about and soon forget.

Back then there was no seeing past tomorrow

No talking it out

Life was OVER

Giving up was the only answer 

I can remember one specific experience 
(which will be for another day)

I could not sleep
I thought my life was over
I just knew with 100% certainty that this would never resolve

There couldn't possibly be anything worse- 

Teenager brain will not allow you to calm down 
or hear the voice of reason in your head
or allow you to know that someday you will be ok. 

Since High School and thanks to wonderful professors at Ricks College I escaped teenager brain and feel like I have had a very healthy adult outlook on pretty much everything that is thrown at me. 
It will be Ok
Everything will be OK
It's not that bad- this will give me experience
No sweat
I got thisss!
I can handle it
No prob.
This stinks, but it could be worse

Completely healthy adult outlook on things that were placed in my path.
This was the way my brain worked 2 weeks ago.

I was holding Mia in a hospital, they took her to the cath lab, and her heart stopped. 

Now, by default
I have reverted back to teenager brain.  
I intensely believe that I will never be OK
My eyes are wide open every night rehashing that week
My mind is flooded with sadness, anger, and frustration
This is horrendous
I can't handle it!
It could not possibly be worse.
Giving up seems like the only answer.
I used to joke about curling up in the fetal position, and now it's real!
That is not just something people say
My mind is filled with unbridled ugliness
Every sad emotion becomes more intense than the last,
 and I am exhausted from having my brain on hyper drive all the time.

Teenager Brain has become my new way of thinking.
Maybe someday... in a long time
My healthy thoughts will reign victorious over all of these ugly ones.