Nov 7, 2012

Insignificant


 The McDonalds....a tiny insignificant family, why did lightening strike here? 
Just look at her precious little face... I need her back. 

What is the significance in Mia leaving?  Was it imperative that in this lifetime her mama be destroyed?  That can't be the reason.  I just want to go back to our little lives, as insignificant as they were.  We are just a little family who loves each other.  In a tiny spec of this world, an insignificant dot on the planet. I've learned that even little families who live in small towns can't hide from tragedy.  We were tucked in all safe and sound keeping the world at bay from Mia. I want so badly to be in my own little corner again, happily adoring my children.  We could not have loved her more!  All of us.... many of you!  We should never have taken her to the big city, in Florida.  Florida is where worst nightmares occur.  We should have kept her home in our small and simple town. We don't even have a traffic light here.... not one.  Towns without traffic lights should not lose adorable 4 year old the way we lost Mia. Right?  This town has no smoke, no smog, and now no precious beautiful eye'd child named Mia.  We had no business taking here there.  We thought it was going to be the biggest reward of her lifetime.  Some of you believe that it was.  I am struggling to believe it. It feels like I did something wrong, but I know my family did not.  Our entire family was raked over the coals all because we went to Florida.   I for one am still feeling the scorch.  It hurts so much.  Florida took too much from us, away from us, out of us.  Why did taking her there seem like such a wonderful decision?  She didn't even get to do one ounce of her wish.  I wish I could take it all back.  Can I please just return to our lives?  Everyday at 3:15 I think about how it is time to pick her up from preschool. It's as if the clock screams at me every single day at 3:15. When I walked in the door she always smiled her angelic smile and ran to me.  It's not fair that most precious part of my day does not exist anymore.

I miss her so much.  I just want to hold her.  Her significance is so great in our lives.  She is our significance.  I am hoping someday I will learn the significance of her going to Heaven.  I can't imagine her being needed more there than she is here.