Nov 29, 2012

John Boy's birthday

Thinking about any holiday or celebration instills a feeling of disgust and a strong strong disdain for attending, let alone trying to put something together.

There is only one thing I want to give JB for his birthday, but that is not an option.  I would give her to him if I could.  I would keep her for myself first and close out the world, then I would run to him with the best best surprise of a lifetime.  I miss her so much! I know I write that every single day, but it is true.  I miss her more and more everyday because so many days have passed since I had her little giggling voice all throughout my day.  It hurts. a lot.

John is good at cheering people up... his people.  He is well known for his "attackle" if someone is bent out of shape.  He keeps a lot of plates spinning and I do love him a lot.  As I thought of what to get him/ do for him I remembered something he used to do often that always made me smile.

John used to interview our kids a lot... more so in the Jense/Ellie era.

To cope with my life I read back on the last four years.  I get drunk in nostalgia and think about how I "had it all" for four years.  I really really did.  I am so glad, and am so glad that I have documented my children's lives.  I can click and see her face almost every other post for the past 4 years.

In one of said posts I found this gem: *when it goes to a black screen.. it is over :-)

I love that he did this.  a lot.  Especially the global warming part.  Oh man!  She is a doll!  This is Ells by the way.  She is so cute, and couldn't hold still for the life of her.  You will see years later... not much has changed.

So the kids and I rallied for a day and did interviews for daddy.  My children crack me up.  It was a good day making this.  John is going to love it!  I sound like a chain smoker... apologies.  In thee beginning of the video Sam just wants to go downstairs to play with Jensen and his buddy, aka "party" and that is what he is trying to escape to, but it sounds like he is saying potty!

John's 36th Birthday from Mimi on Vimeo.

Small disclaimer:  The lighting/focus was sub par... I was battling the sun going down, and was too concerned with the content/questions.  So sorry.  Sammy is killing me.  He talked like a gremlin the entire time, until the end.  The last clip is his true voice.  You better believe I included questions about global warming.  Just for fun.

You can tell from this vid... my kids are pretty stinkin' lucky to have a daddy like John.  so so lucky! I am also a lucky gal to have a husband like John.  Everyone feels like they have the best husband and I am no exception.  I really do.  I have received a few emails about how peoples marriages have ended due to their child going to heaven.  It is so difficult to love/care for anything when you feel lower than low and sick, all of the time.  I may not be handling things the way I thought I would/ am capable of, but I know I would not be able to handle anything without John.  He is loving and comforting despite being tortured himself.  Sometimes I wake up in the night and I can hear him crying.  I just hate that everyone around me has to suffer too.  It breaks my heart to see him in so much pain.  He cries in his sleep... I didn't know that was possible.  My heart breaks for all of us every single day.  It is just the worst thing to have happen in a lifetime.  So sad.  The kids and I hope this is a good small respite from the grief and he can watch it over and over again to see his adoring children.  He is a good good man!  Happy Birthday B!!

I love you 5000!!