Nov 6, 2012

Really Mean

Doesn't it seem too mean?  Too too mean? 

Mia had a heart transplant as an infant. Such a miracle!
Her daddy decided to change careers and become a nurse.
He wanted to know everything he needed to in order to take care of her at home.
Weeks after finishing his bachelors degree in Nursing 
he went with his family and little girl to Disney World
He had barely graduated and was ready to spend his life learning the medical side of things that sometimes escapes the fathers of heart patients.  He changed careers... so he would know the medical side of her sweet little life.  So he could advocate for her, contribute to her care.

You know the rest of this story... it doesn't end well. 


He just graduated!  


I am so full of anger! 

I just want to take it all back.  He plans to be an anesthetist and I just want to scream when I think about anything medical.  I am so angry!  How could this have happened!?
He JUST graduated!

It feels really mean to me.  really mean. 

Day after day with everything that has happened... it just feels mean.

My disdain for my daughters terrible exit of this life haunts me.

It doesn't make sense... at all.  So many things just don't add up for me.

Mia had a transplant
Her dad became a nurse
She went to heaven right when he graduates?

Mia got to make a wish
The night she arrives she is hospitalized?
She never makes it to meet Minnie?

Mia was supposed to meet her donor's mom a few weeks following her trip
She had been practicing a song to sing to her
She never gets to sing her that song?

Mia's mom taught dance for years and was so excited for Mia to take her first dance class
Mia never made it to her first ballet class?

Do you understand!?  This is just the tip of the ice berg.

Not feeling the love today.
I must be despised
greatly despised
It's the only thing that makes sense.