Nov 14, 2012

So Close

In an alternate universe we would be here.  At this lovely event, with lovely people, doing and saying lovely things.

Today is the day that Mia was supposed to meet Jessica.  She was going to give her hugs and kisses and give her a silver necklace with the words 'angel mother' engraved on it.   The necklace also had a little heart with a J for our Jacob.  She was going to give it to her, and in her tiny sweet voice she was going to say "Thank you."

Instead she is Heaven.  The necklace was mailed instead of hand delivered and there is a Ballroom full of people who will not be smitten by my daughter. Nope, not today.  or ever.

I don't want to wake up everyday feeling disappointed, but today I feel especially disappointed. We were so close to going- and so close to getting to give Jessica that thank you she deserves!  SO CLOSE!

Just so I don't feel like a complete failure on this day that was supposed to so wonderful I will mention that Organ Donation is truly the most life changing decision anyone can make.

Having Mia in our family changed our lives more than I think I can comprehend right now.
She changed us all!  It will always be a passion of mine because we got to keep our Babina.

We are so grateful to have had her for the 4 years we did.  It will forever be the best four years of our lives.  She provided us with more happiness in her four years than I thought possible.  I will be grateful to our angel mother Jessica for the rest of my life.  I will always love her and know the gravity of what she did for us.  We are woven together by this darling little child who changed so many in her short little 4 years.

I am honored to be her mother, and despite being incredibly sad everyday, I feel so incredibly lucky that I am her mom.  She came to me, and that is something I will always claim as truly remarkable.

Mia, we miss you so much girlie.  so so much.  
Our hearts agonize everyday to have you here with us. I wish wish wish we could be together in Oregon today and that you could finally get a chance to meet the mommy to Jacob.  I will try to always make sure she knows of all of our love. I love you nina.  You are my girl.