Nov 19, 2012
I admit that despite wanting to be in my bed all day, everyone who is praying for us must be specifically praying for Sam. I admit he makes makes my heart sing. I am enamored with the little man and always have been, but there is something about being in the depths of despair and having a little chit chatty two year old to pull you up and out of the swamps.
This picture of Mia and Sam says it all. Best Buds. I love her arm around him, I love the look on her face. I remember once Sam ran to her to give her a big kiss and he took her down. They both fell the ground and cried and then Mia replayed the entire scene for me. She liked to reenact what happened. She also relayed a lot of stories in the third person. "Mia fell down like this." Once she told me about how Sam was trying to kiss her, she did muster a smile. She was so good to Sam. He liked to pester her from time to time, but for the most part these two were peas in a pod. Everyone got along really well with Mia. She rarely had disputes because she was impeccably pleasant all the time. The only time she was slightly demanding was when she wanted a bottle and there were no bottles to be had.
Not having Mia here, is feeling like I am out of state on a trip and when I get home I will scoop her up. However, somewhere in my brain I know that this "vacation" is going to take a lot longer than all of the vacations leading up to this point in my life. There is nothing more gratifying in life than coming home after being away from your kids and scooping them up in your arms the second you walk in the door. The anticipation is almost too much, and when you finally see their little faces something within gets closure and all is well with the world again. Every day of my life I feel that anticipation I need her! I need to see her face! I want to walk in the door and have her run to me and scream "Mommy!!" like she always did. I need to hear her say, "I missed you today." The awful, excruciating truth is that the anticipation is here to stay and it feels like I will have to live a lifetime before I get to scoop her up. I have yet to have a feeling of resolve. Every moment I think about Mia, which is a often, there is a lot of uneasiness and panic. My brain cannot handle her not in my life, yet day after day it performs to the best of it's ability.
When I hop on the computer, usually at night, I typically let loose with my fear/anger/sadness and that is the majority of what you will find. Tonight however, I want to blog about a few things I want to remember about my boy. Sam is just as cute as ever and is warming up this heart of mine. I mentioned two major Samisms in yesterdays post... but here are some that I never want to forget.
"I loves these growsweees!" Sam's code word for any grouping of things is "growswees" (groceries). He uses the word freely and I 100% play along and take cues from him on what are and what are not "growswees." Tonight he sat next to me in the bed with two of his trains and 2 chevron cars. He had them all in his tiny little hands, then held them up to announce: "I LOVE THESE GROWSWEES!" I'm pretty sure he has confused the word item, or stuff with groceries. I love that he loves his groceries. He loves loading up his Thomas ride on with all of his precious groceries.
Sam needs a buddy. I did not know how badly he needed a buddy until his buddy was not here. From the moment he wakes up until he goes down for a nap and then to sleep for the night he wants a companion. My favorite daily requests are: "I wanna play trains wis you!" "I wanna play trains wis you!" This is probably the phrase I hear more than any other throughout my day. We play a lot of trains, and when we are doing so we watch other people play trains on youtube. He loves watching the videos of thomas crashing, or being derailed. He is 100% boy... this kid. He is also really loving videos of the ride- on trains. He watched a boy ride around on a Thomas Ride-on for probably 20 minutes. That video increased in views by at least 10 solely from my son watching it over and over. Another phrase he says frequently is: "I want to hold you" and "I want to carry you." Both of these phrases he picked up from Mia. He also wants to dictate where you sit while playing said games. "No mom, sit right theya." JB likes to make fun of his brooklyn accent. Sam puts an a on the end of a few words, and we can't get enough of it.
He loves to give kisses and if you have stopped by lately, chances are you have been the victim of Sam's kisses. The best thing about Sam's kisses is he insists on giving you a kiss square on your lips. He likes to make a big smacking noise in addition to the big long kiss. John and I get a kick out of watching people try to dodge him and present him with their cheek only to be pulled back to face their destiny. It is adorable. He is one affectionate little man and I will never get tired of his kisses.
Sam loves to be crazy. He loves to scream really loud just for fun. He is always game for a shouting match. Whoever can hold the yell out the longest and loudest wins. He can hold his own, but he always ends his scream with a belly laugh and goes right back to it. This kid has got some high functioning lungs, this we know.
Last night I was cutting my mother's hair and Sam walked in and said, "NANA, you looking good Nana!" Completely unprompted. I honestly have no idea where he would have picked up that social que at all! He is 2! He complimented my mom on her hair? So funny! His voice and intonation was so sincere. I cannot get enough of this boy. He promptly climbed up in her lap and sat there during her hair cut. I have always enjoyed cutting my moms hair. My dad finally caved this last year and let me be his regular barber as well.
My very favorite Samism is what he calls his blankets. He has an intense addiction to his "Blane-Deees." I always wanted a baby Linus and I got one in him. He has them with him all the time, and needs his Blane-Dee's to sleep. One of his Blane-Dee's is pink, it's one of Mia's blankets that she willingly gave to Sammers. He has two blue and one pink. They are very similar with a cosy fleece on one side and satin on the other. At night he is very specific on how you place them over him. The boy knows what he likes, and he really likes his "Blane-Dees."
More Samisms to come...