Nov 12, 2012

Time for School



Last week Ells put Mia's outfit for school out on her rug a few times.  Every time I see this it makes me want to retch.  She innocently sets her clothes out for her, and they just stay there on the floor un-occupied by the sweetest little body.  All of her clothes just stay in her closet, unless Ellie decides to get Mia's outfit ready for the next school day.  


This makes me feel horrible inside.  Just horrible!  Her note written next to the outfit reads: 

I love you Mia

Rede for skcool
today swet
Mia

I think if you took my heart out of my chest I would not know the difference at this point.  
My life is one painful stab after painful stab... followed up with intense throbbing.
Her adoring sister plans her outfits and gets them ready for her for crying out loud!!

Do you get it!?!
THIS SUCKS!  

Ellie is so sweet and has done nothing but adore her sister... it just is not fair that now she is left sisterless.  It's NOT FAIR!!!

The emails flooding my account keep promising that it will get better.  
That one day it won't hurt as much, but that the pain will never go away. 
So what is the time line?  How long is the unbearable part?
When do I not experience surges of despair all day long?
When will the desire to return to previous activities come back?

I spent the whole day with Ellie today.
She had a good day and we spent the evening on a mommy/daughter date.
She needed snow boots, and we got our nails painted. 

She is my girl.  When I hold her hand I feel so happy... I love her so dearly.
I just want to hold the hands of my girls... 

2 of them.  The three of us together on a mommy/daughter date. 
Not OK at ALL!