Dec 22, 2012

Head Hole

Head Hole from Mimi on Vimeo.

My sister took this video of Mia one day this past summer.  We were in my bed and Mia came running in the room to announce that she had found the "head hole."  What is a head hole you ask?  This is the video of us trying to get her to repeat "head hole."  Her little personality is so stinking sweet I just want her back.  I want to see her with my eyes.  I want to do her hair.  I want her here.  Watching this movie is torture but at the same time at least I can see her.  I feel so temporal ALL THE TIME!  Where are my eternity eyes?  I want her right now and it feels impossible to wait a life time.  Ok, go watch...

There so many things I love about this video- the list is long:

~ The way she says "a arm hole"  her sweet soft voice... a little unsure.
~ "pool pool"
~ How she bends her neck down to see what I'm talking about
~ How Ells comes in and says, "come on Mia" in her usual beckoning voice.
~ How I ask Ells to go out for a minute so Mia wouldn't be distracted (of course she stayed) :-)
~ Her thinking noise
~ "Two hands"
~ Both Nat and I trying our best to get her to say "head hole"
~ Ells trying to give her the answers
~ Mees looking at her sister and saying "stop it"  you have to look at her face closely.  It is so Mia!
~ Turning back to her sister smiling knowing she was funny.
~ "Ok, just a minute" this is what she says to Ellie... FAVORITE PART!
~ Her little hand waving to sort of dismiss what Ellie is prompting her to say.
~ Then the pause before she confidently replies with "goes in the head hole."
~ How she whispers "arms and hands" after Ells tells her what to say
~ Her signature eye brow raise as she says "arms and hands"
~ Repeating it loudly once she realizes she whispered it.
~ "pool pool one."
~ "my fabrite"
~ When I ask her again she says, "hole head"  then fixes it to "head hole"  SO CUTE!
~ the fidgeting with the shirt
~ plugging her nose with a shirt and starting to repeat loudly "A HEAD HOLE"
~ The arm through the neck of the shirt, and holding it there with other hand.
~ How Ellie hears "put it on" and goes for it.
~ Ells does what she does best and gets her sister dressed
~ Slapping her belly and saying "belly button"
~ "It's my fabrite!"
~ The look on her face when she knows she said something funny
~ "How many do you have?"  2!
~ After she made her joke she said, "noooo" then changed it to one belly button
~ "yeah this is Mia's"
~ Ellie's inability to let go of her sister
~ Mia's moment of retaliation when she sings "lightLEEEH"
~ the snort
~ Her sweet little smiling face as she is singing
~ "I want some gum too"

This is the song we had been practicing a lot to sing to Jessica.  She only sings a few words of it, but the lyrics are:

I am like a star shining brightly,
Shining for the whole world to see.
I can do and say, happy things each day
for I know Heavenly Father loves me. 

Chances are, you know this song.  When Mia sang this song in my heart I knew it was kind of her anthem.  She really is this bright star and her mama lets the world (those reading) see.  The next line is a perfect description of her life and the last line is of course true.
She always sang it perfectly, though she sang "lightly" instead of "brightly"
We of course changed the lyrics to lightly.

This video depicts the Ellie and Mia relationship perfectly.  Ells is like a moth to the flame with Mia.  She realizes Mia is not with her and immediately comes in the room asking her to come with her.  You can even hear her calling for her as the video starts. Then she doesn't leave when asked and continues to mother her.  Ells did not take one day with Mia for granted.  She was quite literally all over her all the time.  Mia was always a good sport and so kind hearted.  You can see perfectly in this short video how she just sweetly allowed her sister to be fussing with her non stop.  Well minus the "stop it" :-)

I miss SOO much the two girls together.  I feel so sad for Ellie. So so, not going to be ok, sad.  When I hear any complaints from Ells about someone at school not being nice or anything of the sort I wish I could keep her exempt from anything sad.  At least for year... at least.  I wish everyone in her life would reciprocate love to her like Mia did.  I am trying to give her what she needs, but she wants her little sis.  She wants to be the mommy, and the ring leader, and the instigator of all things girlie.  I wish she could get her Mia love from someone else, but I fear it will forever be unmatched.    Mia went along with everything Ellie wanted to do.  A true sweetheart.

I wanted to get her song on video and I knew the only way Mia would do it is if Ellie was not there trying to feed her the lyrics.  I feel a little bad I asked Ellie to leave.  She got distracted by my gum and I didn't get the full song.  Oh well. I don't need any more guilt.  Ells had unlimited Mia time everyday.

I am grateful Ellie was the very best sister to the very best little sister.

I wish I could travel back in time to a life where my sister and I are filling our days trying to get Mia to repeat the things she says.  This is the way it should be.  Not this... typing about her life and watching videos from months ago.  It hurts so much.