Jan 30, 2013

Guest Blogger- Savannah

I usually avoid facebook like the plague.  I just have no business on there.  I must logon occasionally for intermountain healing hearts purposes, but am usually on and quickly off and purposely try not to read anything.  It's too much for this broken heart of mine.  I'm just not ready to read about all the stupid/trivial updates that facebook is known for. That is of course the purple of facebook, so if you're reading this please don't feel like you should not... just know I am completely out of the loop.  A friend of mine was nervous about getting back to her life and admitted that she hides posts from me... I told her that is not necessary because I try my best not to read any.  I do get emails when someone contacts me via facebook, and hope to get responses to all of your kind messages.  A few evenings back  I had to respond to the IHH board and clicked on facebook.  The very first post at the top of my feed was from my sweet niece Savannah.  She has been a part of Mia's life from Mia's birth.  Mia loved her "sabanna."  Maybe I was meant to see this post that night.  I know she is loved and thought of, but this post made me cry.  I love you Savannah and I love that you love and miss our girl.    

She's my inspiration. For everything. She's in my essays every time. She's in the sky, the sun, the flowers. She's in my room, my car, my life. She's everywhere and she's everything. I thought i would be able to tell her story through my paradigm shift essay. I would like to. Its hard to write about her still. Even with time. To think about all she has been through. I thought i was stronger than this. That i could talk about her or write about her with out having to hold tight to the emotions. To not let it all out. I feel she's not mine to miss. To love. To want back. To write about. But she is. She is mine. She is mine. It's alright to say i miss her, that i want her back, that i hate how she had to live. It is. I do. I know where she is. I know who she is with. I know that it is way better there than it is here. WAY better. She was too precious. Too sweet. Forever & Always. I miss you. I do. Love's from cousin Sabanna.

This picture was taken at a Halloween party.  Mia was dressed up as Olivia.  She loved Olivia so much. I miss watching it her.  This particular party Mia and Savannah were on a team doing a scavenger hunt.  She is the oldest cousin so they found the treasure first.  I love how comfortable Mia was with her and her other cousins.  She has so much love to give and I wish I could give her back to everyone who loves her and misses her.     

Peyton, Savannah's little sister created this Mia wall.  I love it Peyton!  and I love you!