Jan 7, 2013

Last Day in Washington

Our last day in Washington was a Sunday. We wanted to go see all of our people in Puyallup so we went to our old ward. It was great to see everyone. There are a few hugs I missed out on and I am sorry I didn't see everyone. I am sure we will be back! The Ridgecrest ward will always be the ward that knew Mia the best, and championed her life. It was a little healing in my heart seeing so many people who love her. We miss our WA friends... a lot.

My friend Jenn who is an oil expert treated me to aroma touch therapy. It was lovely. She is my friend who texts me daily challenges.  Losing a child requires learning how to live again.  The smallest of tasks seem impossible.  I have done pretty well with the challenges except the ones that involve exercise.  In addition to that therapy we also happened to break her dishes. Yes, you heard me correctly.  Her complete set of dishes. broken.

It is kind of funny how it all went down.  We were sitting there and I was telling her how I just want to break stuff all the time, but don't because I don't want to clean it up.  Keep in mind Christmas was around the corner and I am extremely upset that my girl won't be with us. I was laughing about my predicament when she said, "come with me."  We headed downstairs and after chit chatting she ushered me to her patio attached to her dining room.  She handed me one of her dishes and said, "Here.. throw it."  I of course refused because I was not about to break her fancy dishes.  I had no idea that was what she was planning.... I actually thought we were headed out to her garden because in that moment I remembered when she wrapped basil around a tomato and had me eat it years ago.  I thought perhaps she had a healing herb in her garden.  After a few more failed refusals she started throwing her dishes herself in order to convince me she was dead serious.  I accepted her proposal and started throwing her dishes.  After the first couple plates and cups I kept telling her how bad about destroying her things.  She assured me she wanted new ones, but still... these were really nice dishes.  After a few dish launches her kids and husband got involved.  It was quite the experience.  We threw every last one of her dishes from her set.  I must admit it was gratifying to see them shatter on the concrete.  The small pieces flew in all directions and it felt gratifying.  I wanted to yell "OPA!," but refrained... because this wasn't a celebration.  Although, I do like this explanation of opa:

It is a way of saying “don’t worry” … no matter what has happened you are still alive, … “don’t be harsh on yourself,” there’s another minute and another day ahead of you to right what’s wrong, … and we are here together to make sure of this. … So, as an example when someone accidentally drops and breaks something, no matter how valuable, we yell: Oooooopa !!! … kind of “It’s ok,” … everything can be mended if your mind is healthy and still open...

I am holding out that someday most likely years in the future my heart can mend....

When every last dish was fully destroyed I heard her daughter say, "can we do this every Christmas?"  She loved it too.

It doesn't look like that much in this picture... but it was a lot of dishes.  She had dinner plates, salad plates, mugs, bowls... it was a big fancy set of dishes.  

Jenn, thanks for letting me break all of your lovely dishes.  I still feel bad, but it was good for me.  I don't know why the need to break things... but this was the perfect remedy because there was a lot of breaking.  Thanks for texting me the pics too... this must be represented on my blog.  Hopefully when my kids are reading this in however many years my anger problems will be in the past. :-)  Or maybe I will include them in the dish throwing! 

Also, thanks for all of the oils!  I really appreciate it. 

After we destroyed all of their dishes we headed over to the Eugenio's home for some fancy tea and bananas foster.  Let me just tell you one thing right now- you have not lived unless you have tried bananas foster!  So delicious.  Jeff, (Jenn's husband) is the tea master.  There might be an acutal word for a tea connoisseur but I don't know what it is.  He served many different flavors of tea in fun little tea cups. The girls were especially attentive during the tea party.  My favorite flavor was the carmel rooibos.  John now uses the term "rooibos" for lots of things... that makes no sense at all.  For example... he will say "I just stubbed my rooibos" or "That hurt like a rooibos!"  He pronounces it: "Royybus"... emphasis on the Roy.   He cracks me up.  I probably drank a gallons worth of herbal tea that night.  It just kept coming, and I just kept drinking it.  I really really love herbal tea.  Also, when it comes in cute mini cups it's easy to drink up.  

Ok the bananas foster- I don't have the recipe, but it was a little piece of heaven.
Thanks Jeff for the delicious tea and foster.  The kids have requested it a few times, but with all the the Christmas treats I haven't attempted.    

It was a fun afternoon- and I think the oils and tea helped me get over my sickness.   

Later that night we went to the pierces house.
Rebecca completely spoiled my kids for Christmas... I mean really spoiled. She spoils me too!
Jensen unwrapped a lego train which pretty much sent him over the moon.
This is the Christmas toy he has played with the most.  He loves it!

Ells got an American girl doll. She too was in a happy panic receiving this gift.  When I came up the stairs she was thrilled!  I'm glad she got to spend some time with Alice playing American Girl dolls.  We love Alice and Ruby!  AND Betsey!  I can't believe there are no pictures of her.
She is the most adorable little girl on the planet.  

I just love this series of pictures.  Ruby and Jense are buddies.  They have been friends for years, and although they now live in different states they pick up right where they left off.  That night they played a lot of remote control helicopter and dominos.

While the kids were busy with their new gifts the adults were downstairs.  Some friends got together at her house.  It was so nice to see our friends and catch up.  I really miss all of  my Washington girls and for an evening it felt like I never left.  Thank you to everyone who came, and if you didn't hear about it I am sorry- it was very last minute.  I didn't take any pictures... in fact I didn't take any of the pictures on this post... but her are a few that Rebecca took.
This is Steph and Ann
I wish I could beam myself up there once a week and see you all.
Thank you for all of the love you have shown- I have the very best friends in the world!

I got a good laugh when Sammers was trying to get one of my friends to take him home.  He was serious... in her arms... and saying his goodbyes to John and I.  It was so sweet and kind of sad at the same time.  She told him of all her Thomas trains and he was sold.  He even called her Jaime Buddy which is what Jense has always called her.  She has been Jaime Buddy for a lot of years. It wasn't a fleeting change of heart... he was trying to leave with her for a solid hour, and was pulling out all the charm he could muster.  I love that boy.  If we lived there I would have let him go with her for a night because he really really really wanted it.  Thanks Jaim for indulging Sammers.

It was sad to leave.  When we left Rebecca was asleep on the couch and although I didn't get to officially say goodbye I was just captivated with how peaceful she looked.  She was resting silently with her pregnant belly holding her arm up.  I wondered if I would ever feel peaceful the way she looked peaceful.  It makes me sad that I will not be there to hold her baby boy.
Oh, yes.. she's having a boy.  :-)  I am very excited for her and CP.  

I love my children with all my heart, I just miss Mia so much.  I yearn for a homeostasis that is unattainable.  Learning how to live my life with this sadness is difficult and confusing.  I attempt to explain it, but I fail. I hope to find the words someday.

I keep having experiences like being with so many friends who know me and have been an instrumental support system these last few month and enjoying my time to feeling like I'm in the depths of despair.  Is this the part of grief that turns you into a yo-yo?  I love these girls and they do my soul good- I wish I could get a good dose of them every week.  

Our visit to Washington went so much better than I thought (besides being sick).
It was difficult to be there without Mia, but was easy to be with so many family and friends.  

I had to inform Jense it was alright to let go of his Lego train for the drive home.  He held onto it for a quite awhile.  

In the end....

I have a wonderful friends!
I miss them a lot!
It was good to see them... even it was only one day!
I hope I get to see them again before next Christmas.