Feb 8, 2013

JAAANCE! and what bedtime looks like

I still need to post about his birthday...

So much of what I want to say about the boy belongs in that post, but tonight I am just in awe of my son.  He has such an intelligent brain and is thinking a lot about his his precious sister.

When we talk about Mia I usually end up crying... tonight I miraculously did not cry. He started off the conversation with telling me that he thinks that Mia is the brightest star in the sky.  He was gazing through the window at a particularly bright star.  That is something I have always loved about living here.  The stars are visibly bright and you can see so many of them.   I told him that she is definitely the brightest star.

He quickly started firing questions at me about Mia.

" Is she four in heaven?"
"Is she smarter than us now that she lives with Jesus and Heavenly Father?"
" When she is resurrected will see be four again?"
" If you and dad die and then she is resurrected do I get to take care of her?"
" Does she know her times tables and division facts in heaven?"
" Will she get married in Heaven?"
" When the resurrection happens do we have to go get her from the cemetery or will she just appear in front of our eyes?"
"Will Mia remember us?  Will she remember what her life was like before she was in heaven?"
" Do you think she will run to us and give us a hug?"
" You will probably spend a lot of days with just her huh?"
"When the resurrection happens will I be an old man and will she be four?"
" I feel really bad that Mia is not here, do you think she is sad she is not here?"
" What things does she get to do in Heaven that she did on earth?"
" Is she growing up right now?"
"What are we going to do on her birthday?"

"Mom, I'm really glad that when Mia didn't get really hurt... like hit by a car or something.  I would have hated that even worse."

These are the questions I am faced with as I put my child to sleep.  It's a very different life from the life we had months ago.  Suddenly the topic of bedtime is the resurrection.  The questions vary from day to day... but tonight I got through the interrogation without any tears.  I tried my best to answer his questions, but somethings (with most of these) I just don't know.  I know what I hope will happen.... not to mention when... but these are not things I ever learned.  Does she go back to being four and Jense 9 and me... well you get the point?  I just do not know.  It doesn't seem like it would work out that way because Jense will eventually be married and have kiddos... It's so difficult to try and build up the faith of your nine year old when feeling so sad. so so sad.  I usually can tell him that I am not sure and he will accept that.  We usually come to the same resolution every time concerning all of his questions I have no answers for.  which is:

Bottom line is that when we are resurrected and see Mia again I think Heavenly Father will help us to not feel like we missed out on such a beautiful and great sister.  We just have to try and keep thinking that.

Tonight after he got all of his questions out he just sighed and then spouted off the list of songs he wanted me to sing.  I made the mistake of telling him I would sing as many as he wanted once he memorized all of his 7's in his multiplication facts.

I love my boy.  I love he is so concerned for his sister and wants to know everything about where she is, what she's doing and what it will be like when we see her again.

One of the most difficult things is- that I feel like we are all sitting on the edge of our seats waiting to see our girl again.  We are consumed with being reunited and I am not going to be the one to tell him it might be a very long time.  I will just keep on answering his questions and joining him in his anxiousness about getting to be with her sweet Mia again.


My Jense