There are so many random thoughts I have, or things that happend throughout the month that I never blog about because they are just not full post worthy. That is what this post is for.
- Had a meeting at the hospital. My heart is broken. That is all.
- I still don't understand what happened in Florida. I just don't get it. Why did that happen!
- Sammers is potty training. He is so smart, his mama just can't commit to anything. We are dabbling in potty training and somedays he is all about it, then others not so much.
- I think January is the worst month when it comes to weather... I have two sisters born in January and love them, so I can't trash talk the month, but outside is so blah! This January will go down in history as the worst January of my life. I am not fond of gloominess and not having Mia accentuates the gloom exponentially.
- JB has a new hobby... crossfit. He's into it. He is always on the lookout for someone to go with because this girl is not crossfit material.
- I am excited to have a few days to try and forget my sorrows and spend some time with friends in a few weeks. I truly did not want to go, but when I force myself to do things from my pre Florida life I am always glad I did. It's just easier to stay home and be sad. Easier- not better.
- I find myself singing this song to myself frequently throughout the day. I just gotta keep my head up.
- Ells is getting so excited for her birthday party. She can't decide between a Lego party (brother inspired) a Harry Potter party, and an American girl party. I have a feeling American girl dolls will win out.
- Jense is beyond a 6th grade reading level. At his parent teacher conference his teacher told us they only test up to 6th grade, but he is past that. yay Jense!
- Ells is our little math girl, and her teacher has so many great things to say about her. It is so nice that everyday Ellie is with someone who genuinely enjoys her. It makes my heart happy. I wish she could just move up with her to the next grade level. Ellie loves her teacher a lot and she has just done so well despite all of the difficult things that have been thrown at her.
- I went and saw one of my cardiologists. He said there were no big changes, but that I really needed to be better about taking my medication. I did good for a few days. I have no answers that explain why I can't just take it. I was expecting bad news, most likely because everyday is a reflection on the most awful news of my lifetime.
- I took the kiddos to the train show. It was like another culture I never knew existed had come to life. They had all the scenes from Lord of the Rings made out of legos and set up on display. There were so many different lego trains and both Jense and Sam were mesmerized by them all. I guess there is a lego guild... that sets up these huge elaborate lego displays. I am curious what the price tag is on an entire shire, or the very tall black tower of Isengard (had to google that one) statue. How long did it take those lego guys to set that up? It's exhausting for me to even think about.
- I am strong enough to break through a board. That's right. I broke it square in half on my first try. That is the kind of anger we're dealing with over here. :-) Thank you Chris Brown for a good pep talk about my future.
- I haven't had too many conversations with insensitive people. Don't get me wrong, there have been a few doosies, but for the most part everyone offers kind and well intentioned comments about my girlie. One thing I am not a fan of is counting kids. If there needs to be a head count for something and you know we are coming could you kindly not count kids in front of me? If you know this has already happened please don't worry about it. I don't want anyone to walk on egg shells around me AT ALL.. I just really really don't like it. I get the need for knowing how many kids will be eating etc, but as you point your finger at the scattered children and count my heart is exploding with pain. Just please don't count kids when I'm around. That is my only request. It is too painful that she is not here, and for some reason the counting reminder makes me want to scream. I will always have four kids. One sweet little daughter of mine is in Heaven and will not be needing a chair for dinner, but if those arrangements could be worked out ahead of time that would be lovely. Phew. I said it. It's out there. Sorry if I seem crazy to you. I am crazy. It's just my one request. I can handle all the other "she's in a better place" people who I know mean well, but the counting just needs to be eliminated from my life. Thank you.
- Well, there really isn't much to follow that one- Again, I am not offended and didn't realize how much it would hurt, so please don't feel bad if you were a counter/list maker of the children previously. I realize a list might be essential, but just know if you make a list in front of me I might have to kick you in the shins. ;-)