Jun 19, 2013


Today was super busy. 
Even my busiest days have moments in them that break me down.

Today I was at a picnic for IHH and Sammers explained to my friend Jill that his Meana was at the doctors and they are going to fix her up... then we are going to go get her. 

He went on and on telling her "we're gonna go get her when she's all better and her owies are fixed."


I just want Sam to have his sister back.  He thinks she is at the doctors... and that they will fix her and that she is COMING BACK!!  
His sweet little face is so convinced that he will be playing with her soon. 

The supper crappy thing is... he is going to be waiting his ENTIRE LIFE!  
She is not coming back. She's not. 

The pain is just too much sometimes. Too much! Why is this happening to our family????!!!

I'm so so so tired of not having her here. I'm emotionally drained and survive solely on photo's and videos of my girl.  I need some angels in my court right now.  Life is too difficult sometimes. 

As I was putting Jense to bed tonight it was his turn to say the prayer.  In his prayer he said, 
"Thank you so much for such a fun day"
"please bless that nothing else bad happens to our family because our Mia isn't here."
"We miss her so much and please bless she's having fun in heaven."

AGAIN- my heart is ripped out.  Jense prays about Mia every night, but the line, 
"please bless that nothing else bad happens to our family..." fills me up with despair.

My children shouldn't have to deal with so much sadness day after day.
Today has just been stupid.  I recognize my blessings... I am just tired of having to survive without her.  I'm truly not cut out for this.  My sweet children need their sister.

I will never tell Sammers that his Meena is not coming back in this lifetime.
It helps us keep her alive in our hearts that we are all waiting on her.
Waiting on the doctors to fix her owies so we can go pick her up.

Waiting does not take away the pain.