Sep 5, 2013

Go Kart Party (a year ago)

Jense asked for a Go-Kart Party for his 9th birthday.  He had earned is very own Go-Kart and wanted to take his friends on some rides.  I did not take any pictures of all the Go-Karting, but just know it was a Go-Kart party. 

My two girls.  It breaks my heart to know that the pictures of my daughters are numbered.  I'm grateful for the pictures I do have, but I just had so many plans for the two of them together.  So many plans!  Ellie is such a beauty.  JB has always called the girls "little beauty" and I have to agree.  My daughters are the most beautiful things to me!  Seeing Mia's cute little braid makes me miss everyday motherhood with her.  She was a big deal and a light to all of us.  I get so many comments about how I still have three wonderful children, and my reply to all of that is, YES! of course I do!  That doesn't change the fact that Mia isn't here.  I adore all of my children... all of them!!  I still have Ellie's hair to braid, but I'll never stop longing to braid Mia's while she plays monkey preschool lunchbox.  My other children bring me happiness, and I rise to the occasion on most days for them, but my little girl isn't here and parts of my day are missing.  The part I spent with Mia is empty, and I am going to be sad about that for the rest of my life.

Moving on- just had to get that out of the way.

On to the birthday boy!
This boy is one handsome dude!
He really wanted foam fingers at his party.  The great thing about Jense is how excited he is about little things.  He is so fun to do things for because he rewards you with his enthusiasm.    
I got him four foam fingers that are still decorations in his room one year later. 

I love these pictures of Mia and Nana!  Sorry about the one with your eyes closed mom.
Mia's smile is too cute not to post.
Also, a signature Sammers and "Wae" post.  Sadly, he can now say "aunt Rae" which I'm not ok with, but he loves his "aunt Rae!"

My "fabrite" one!  I love this picture!
Mia's face... with her Nana... on one leg
Rooting for her big bro!

I also love Jense photo bombing-

If you are reading this and you have children make sure you take pictures of your kids with their grandparents.  Do it! I wish I had more.  Nana served Mia her entire life.  Whenever I hear the scripture about how you love those you serve I think of My mom and Mia.  My mom suffered through the hard things with me in regards to Mia, but also got a taste of the glory that is Mia.  My mom quietly served Mia her entire life...  100% committed to Mia's well being.  Thank you mom!

We played water ballon games.... which turned in to a big water-balloon fight.  

He wanted to wear this shirt because he was turning 9-
Clever little thing-

The most precious face on the planet, with her candy loot.  
Mia loved candy! Loved it!  
I wish I could give her some "tweets" right now.
Sometimes when she would wait for me to open a treat she would do this little happy dance, and then when I gave it to her ready to eat she would happy scream followed by a tiny sweet voiced "thank you."  Her voice was so delicate, but the girl was a happy screamer.  

Pinanta time.  Jense loves pinatas.  He wants a pinata at all of his parties... he informed me. 

The year of the lego set.  
Jense got legos for his birthday.
Legos and more legos and legos all the time. legos. 
He puts them all together and takes good care of them... other wise they would be in the garbage.  If you ever tread on a lego barefooted, you will understand what I am talking about...

Race track cake.  I always take a picture of all the kids by the birthday kiddo (or I try).  Mia's little smile in the lower left hand is a little window into the girl she is.  So so happy and so so sweet!  We miss that sweetness and revisiting these pictures now make my heart hurt.  She just made our family whole and happy.  I hope I get to see her in my dreams tonight.  Sometimes when I am writing about her late in the evening somehow my thoughts from what I was doing right before I fell asleep, manifest in my dreams.  I love when I get to see her in my dreams.  

MaeLin showed up just in time to give kids a ride.  
I love this girl and I wish that all the young women got to know Mia better.
I always feel like people won't ever know me as well as I would like them to because they didn't know Mia. So much of who I am is wrapped up in her existence.  I don't really know where to begin with being Mimi without Mia.  It's something I resist... I don't want to do it. at all.  I want everyone I love to know and love her so they can understand me.  I know it is not necessary for them to interact with her to know her, and they can know her through me... but I want them to witness her darling self first hand. 

I love this picture! It just feels like everything is right with the world.
Maybe it is just a mother's perspective of that life vs. now.
The look in his eye is goofy yet trusting. Can you see it? 
I feel like I haven't seen this face this past year... which breaks my heart. 

Hand in a cup, dancing around, singing a song... just like it should be.
My sweet little girl making my life happy.
I remember taking these pictures of her... I remember standing there watching her in her element and snapping away.  I remember feeling relieved that the party was done and that Jense loved it.  I remember what the feeling of Joy felt like when I see this picture.

This photo will go down in history as one of my all time favorite photos.  
I gave my dad this photo printed on canvas for Christmas.  
It just depicts perfectly their relationship.
My dad showed so much affection to Mia, and she was always a willing recipient. 
He gave her "essimos" and snuggled her in.
Mia had special powers when it came to my dad and I miss seeing her receiving so much love.

When I look at this photo my arms ache to hold her... 

Jense, when you read this years from now please overlook how this birthday post was mostly about your sister.  This party was a few weeks before her return to Heaven and seeing her little face compels me to write about her.  Your birthday post coming up (your tenth one) is all about you buddy!  I know how much you love and miss Mia, but we'll always remember this party as the last one she went to. I'm glad she was there for it, and that we have these precious pictures.