Dec 24, 2013

Christmas Eve 2013

Tonight we took candles to Mia.  
Sam is precious.  Lately when we get out of the car at the cemetery he screams "Mia!!!" and runs as fast as he can over. It makes me smile and breaks my heart all at the same time. 

This week was difficult with Sammer.  He asked for her more than usual.  When we were getting ready to go to John's work party he said he wanted to go get Mia before we go.  He said he didn't want her to miss out on the fun.  He said that she wants to meet Santa too and we have to go get her first.  He just kept saying over and over that he wanted his Mia, and didn't want to go without her. 

Sometime it feels as though I am not talking to a three year old.  The phrases that come out of his mouth are so advanced.  For him to be aware, and not want his sister to miss out on the Christmas party is beyond his years.  I wish I could give him his Meena.  I just try to ask open ended questions to him, but this week he communicated to me that he has HAD it. He wants to go get his Meena.  He misses her and he wants her back.  I sat there and cried and had no answers and told him how much I miss her too.  

Nana made a fancy luminary for Mia.  
Suzie and family came and brought a candle as well. 
So grateful they drove up to be with us. 

Uncle Nathan having some Mia time. 
I love the path in the snow. 
There will always be a path. 

Once it was dark the kids started lighting the lanterns. 
Sam and Ellie were very insistent that they get to be the ones to release the "pool pool" one. 
Cute Syd in the background.


I love this picture of Jense holding the lantern getting ready to launch it. 

The heat of the lanterns made them float away so quickly, but I did get a few pictures. 

Can you see the purple one?  

Nana launching a lantern for her Mia.
Papa came too, but is only in a tiny corner of a photo.
My frozen little fingers gave up after a few photos. 

This is Madi-
Her daddy is in Heaven too
When I pray for my family at night I always pray for her as well. 
My heart breaks every time I see her sweet face. 
I just want to keep her from grief and pain... 
This past week while visiting with her and her mom I felt the absence of her father so keenly in their home.  Madi's mom has six children and has to continue to mother them all without her spouse. 
She is so inspiring to me, and she gives me hope.
My favorite advice from her is not to allow myself to have two bad days in a row. 
I am going to try and force myself to not have back to back bad days. 
Thank you!

My Madi is beauty inside and out and is more encouraging to me than any teenager should know how to be.  She understands my grief and we have our own little grief club that is beautiful in it's own way.
I love her!

As you can tell Sammers loves her too. 
He talks about her frequently and when we are with the "dance-oh's" he always asks for his Madi. 

A big thank you to the Smith family for the beautiful evening of love and lanterns. 
Merry Christmas!